Monday, March 14, 2011

the tenacious ten: day one

After a weekend of carb-loading, today began the attack on the Tenacious Ten.Two months on the "miracle diet" did not produce a miracle, unfortunately. My weight loss stalled after a five to eight pound loss and began to taunt me from there, inching up and down but never getting any lower. I decided I would switch to the lean, restricted version of eating clean, hoping it would take that last five off. But upon weighing myself the day I was to begin, I was shocked to find that the last five was really back up to the last ten. And then, I completely lost it over not losing it.

The last week, wherein I wallowed in my post-weigh-in freak out, was spent half in futile moderation, half in an all-out carb-fest. All gains that were made in the last two months are likely gone. This is what life is like in my body. I won't bore you with how incredibly demoralizing it is to keep going round and round and round with the same ten pounds. Suffice it to say it SUCKS.There was a public service announcement that ran when I was younger that pictured someone holding up an egg. This is your brain, the caption read. Then the body-less hand flung the egg into a skillet and it exploded, egg bits scattered all over the pan. This is your brain on drugs. I don't know how effective the announcement was at preventing drug use, but the phrase became a part of our lexicon. This is your brain. This is your brain on chocolate. This is your brain on milk. This is your brain on chemistry. This is your brain on homework.

My brain on a diet is a MESS. My body on carbohydrates is even worse, though not as graphic as the egg. Rest assured, you don't want to see it, nonetheless. My body on carbohydrates—a smidgen too much whole wheat bread, one too many Kashi granola bars, a bowl too many of high fiber, high protein cereal—and my middle gets squishy and soft and my pants start to cling in all the wrong places. The problem is, as you might have guessed, that I loveloveloveloveLOVE carbohydratey foods. Love. So restricting my carbs for a month, without the tradeoffs the "miracle diet" provided, well, let's just say it's not my favorite idea.At all.

Today is one day down. Egg whites with a half cup oats. A protein smoothie. An apple with two hard boiled eggs. Chicken chili with black beans and a scant amount of brown rice. WITHOUT the tortilla chips and cheese my children used to adorn their own. Sigh. A 30 minute walk, a 30 minute weight work out. I'm not full speed ahead yet, but I'm at least facing in the right direction today. That's a start.Tomorrow brings a 10 hour work day that will hopefully end in a brisk walk. Another step in the right direction.
Provided there are no homemade baked goods in the break room.

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